On my About Me page I mention how I was depressed without hope and I believed my family was falling apart before my eyes.
Looking back, I realize I was deceiving myself, devouring unhealthy thoughts.
I started to believe my family was against me and began self fulfilling the negative prophecy in my mind.
With the false narrative, I added to my 10 ton bag of lies and began to misplace blame. I started looking for reasons why my family was 'broken'.
Days they didn't have energy to clean, I'd fill my plate with the fruit of resentment thinking. "If only they loved me, they'd help me pick up this house."
What's more, when Anne Marie mentioned how I also forgot to finish a chore, I would be quick to anger, pointing out how it was me always bending over backwards. Busting my butt. Cooking, cleaning, taking care of the kids.
But it's not easier to fit a square peg in a round hole by pushing harder.
I was planting orange seeds and expecting apples. Then I'd anger when sickly navels appeared.
Relationships don't work out so well when you keep score. It's not about checking the boxes.
It's about connecting a deeper level. Being more intimate. A relationship is about relating. Go figure.
And that's exactly what I wasn't doing. Relating. Understanding. I was too caught up in my false narratives, I never even bother asking my wife whether they were true.
Looking back, I realize my depression wasn't because of Anne Marie and the kids. They were reasons I fought it. I am forever thankful.