Hamenopi

I recently had a conversation with a friend where I shared my story and offered advice. I wanted share my part to you. I hope you get something from it. I made some radical changes over the past few years. My best answer is to get use to failing forward cause that's the only real way it works. With smoking, weight loss, fitness, my spirituality... I had to stop waiting for the perfect plan to pass. It won't land in your lap. If you wait, you'll start getting real good at waiting. In the beginning, it was an ugly, sloppy, poor excuse of doggy paddling against a rip current. Sometimes it still does. But guess what. Eventually I found forward momentum in all things. You can too. Smoking With smoking, I couldn't find a way to quit, but I found a transition from cigarettes to a vape pen. But it wasn't immediate. You got to understand, using the vape pen every other nic fit is progress. You can make it your goal and work on it until it's a habit. Once there, y...

2017 brings a new year and with it, a new direction. A direction out of hiding in the shadows into a world I am no longer ashamed of myself. Funny, how shame even creeps on me after all the success I've experienced. You'd think by now I'd find the cure! But shame is a slithering, sneaky, serpent of a dragon, not easy killed. I submitted and hid in shame for years. The thing is, just like in weightless, I can't cancel out the years with a couple of days. Shame And I don't even know why I struggle. I've spent time trying to figure it out. The result? Nothing other than I am afraid to the shame of failure to the point of paralyzation. For so many years, I could't stand losing. I was (still am in ways) ultra competitive. Even my wife refused to play board games with me for years because of it. We're only recently getting back to where will break out a game. 5 years ago, I'd get mad at the table if I rolled a 1. Man, I had some issues. Still do. Th...

Note: So far I found five excuses not to write this and it's not even the first line. Change Why is it so hard? Why do we resist it so? What about change terrifies our lizard brain so much that we seek to destroy ourselves just to not try? Why are we so afraid to fail? Do we feel unprepared? I talked about quitting smoking a decade before finally finding a real reason. A reason strong enough to override my irrational belief I would never quit. I had to find a fear more ferocious than the pain of quitting to take my first real step. Before, I was pacing without real direction. I had to Dig down deep to find determination to travel the painful road between where I was and where my goal lied. Backstory My dad died when I was two. I never knew him on a conscious level. Later in life, my step dad died due to cancer from smoking. I watched him wither away at the hospital. I watched as my 9 mo old son look at me with a sad curiosity as I lit up near him because I just had to ha...

It was Spring 2014 and I was carting my 9 month old son through a Half Priced Books in his favorite stroller. I we there to scour obscure RPG supplements to breathe more life into my campaign. I sat sprawled, books circling me as people walked past toward more popular genres. A plastic motorcycle flies by, missing my head, followed by a mischievous cackle. I smirk, grab the toy, and return it to John as I mine the tome for literary nuggets of golden inspiration. But there was no gold that day and John was ever increasingly demanding for my attention from his buggy. The anxiety was also creeping back into my mind as my mouth dried from dehydration. I needed a cigarette. Returning the books to shelves in no order, I cart John outside, 25 feet from the entrance to the edge of a covered area. I then proceed to pace 10 more feet away, deftly producing cigarette and lit lighter in motion. By 9 feet, I was already devouring my first drag. Not Immediate I turned and glanced at John who c...