Where it all Went Wrong

I sit slouched, wondering where it all went wrong. Wondering why there's no will to work out. Wondering why I have no passion to pen a purposeful message.

Did I fall asleep at the wheel while speeding down the freeway of fantasy and miss my turn? Here I was, making great time, but I look up and the signs are foreign to my goals! In fact, it looks like I'm heading back to whence I came! What's going on? How did I complete an entire 180 degrees back into the way I was?

Then I ask myself where resilience went. Where is my ability to bounce back into the face of opposition? Where did the will to war against dragons go? Did I drop it at the 7-11 of discipline while smuggling a tasty kake. Did I dispose it for a bowl of Blue Bell Camo 'n Cream? All I see is the dreaded dragon of my old bad habits breathing down on me. What happened?

Am I weak willed? I struggled with temptation today and fallen more oft than resisted. My breakfast started with a chocolate chip cookie! What's more, I played a video game for lunch instead of being active. Somehow I made it to the last week of a step challenge but here I am, sitting and playing a game. With a prize is so close I can taste it, I sit on my butt feeling sorry for my inability to act.

The fact is I'm burnt out. Looks like one can burn out of the good stuff too. 85 pounds gone in a year and my jets just stopped firing. My engine stalled. My propeller seized still. I look around and see the inevitable free fall back to my origin.

How did it happen? Did I miss orbit by just a meter? Am I doomed to fail at the apoapsis of my perceived progression toward a healthier lifestyle?

Or did I forget I can create my own energy. Is this failure actually positioning me for a new place which enables me to achieve my future if only I seize it. That my pain I experienced over years can ignite my purpose and power me past?

That maybe I'm not weak willed, but need to redress the fundamentals which got me here in the first place. Then I could continue building on the foundation that got me here.

That maybe what looks like weakness is just instability. I Just have to correct it with determined discipline. Once I build back these basics, I will be even stronger than ever.

That maybe I should just get my head out of my past and start staring back at where I'm heading. Instead of staring at the cracks behind me , how about I start forecasting the crack ahead of me. It's less startling to have a car pull out in front of your when you expect it to happen. Maybe I need a course in defensive goal reaching. How about I turn my head away from the past and the distraction and start focusing on the road ahead, again.

Maybe I needed to taste the madness of life again. Maybe I can make my mess into a message which will help someone break though their barrier! Get your head out of your past, you're no longer there and start stretching you head eagerly to the future. Cause you too have somewhere to go!